Chinese v. Relationships
Yesterday I was acutely reminded of why I don't have a lot of Chinese friends.
I made this new Chinese friend, A, at work. I haven't really comingled with Chinese Chinese (as opposed to Chinese Americans) since college, when I first returned to US. It was the whole mentality of congregating with my own kind. Why I stopped comingling with them is a long story that belongs in a different entry of its own. I didn't have the purest intention when I started hanging out with her -- I needed desperately to practice my Chinese language, especially Mandarin. When I took the oral exam for the linguist position, I scored higher in English than in Chinese. I'm not sure if that's pathetic or not.
Anyways, its not entirely unfun to hang out with A. I have picked up this new habit of asking people for their email address or chat nickname if we get along well, after all, I am working a temporary assignment and never know when I'll be let go with a phone call. Plus internet chat and/or emails are a lot less personal than, say, a phone number.
A said she doesn't have any chat programs installed on her home computer and here's the reason: her husband types really fast and she wants to make sure that he will not pursue an online relationship with some other girls.
Although I feel that a couple should have more faith in each other, I refrained from commenting on that.
Yesterday she discovered that we have a renter, which brought on a volley of questions:
"Do you rent to an individual or a family?"
"An individual."
"Male or female?"
"Male."
"Just a room?"
"A room and he shares the office with us."
"How much do you rent it for?"
"......"
"What's his nationality?"
"......"
I had NO idea what's the relevancy of the renter's gender and upon finding out the renter is a single male she said, "Your husband is okay with leaving you alone with him for months?"
I was speechless to that remark. Then she went on, "But you are not interested in Asian men, so nothing will happen between you two anyway."
I was too disgusted at the tasteless remarks that I didn't know how to begin explaining to her that a relationship in US, at least in my mind, is based on trust, not circumstances. If I want to cheat on my husband, there are certainly many more ways than the convenience of a single male renter. Same question can be asked of my husband, "How did I know for sure he didn't cheat on me when he was in port?" (Hubby said his buddies can be his witnesses. Ahahahaha. Have you ever known a male buddy who won't lie to cover up for another guy's track? Especially when it comes to cheating on their partners?) The answer is: I don't. It all comes down to either I trust him or I don't. I do not believe that a relationship can be without trust. And once the trust is gone, the relationship, in my opinion, is already over.
And I was, once again, acutely reminded that the tremendous, almost unpatchable cultural gap was why I stopped comingling with Chinese Chinese many years ago.
***
Countdown: 26 Days, 613 Hours
I made this new Chinese friend, A, at work. I haven't really comingled with Chinese Chinese (as opposed to Chinese Americans) since college, when I first returned to US. It was the whole mentality of congregating with my own kind. Why I stopped comingling with them is a long story that belongs in a different entry of its own. I didn't have the purest intention when I started hanging out with her -- I needed desperately to practice my Chinese language, especially Mandarin. When I took the oral exam for the linguist position, I scored higher in English than in Chinese. I'm not sure if that's pathetic or not.
Anyways, its not entirely unfun to hang out with A. I have picked up this new habit of asking people for their email address or chat nickname if we get along well, after all, I am working a temporary assignment and never know when I'll be let go with a phone call. Plus internet chat and/or emails are a lot less personal than, say, a phone number.
A said she doesn't have any chat programs installed on her home computer and here's the reason: her husband types really fast and she wants to make sure that he will not pursue an online relationship with some other girls.
Although I feel that a couple should have more faith in each other, I refrained from commenting on that.
Yesterday she discovered that we have a renter, which brought on a volley of questions:
"Do you rent to an individual or a family?"
"An individual."
"Male or female?"
"Male."
"Just a room?"
"A room and he shares the office with us."
"How much do you rent it for?"
"......"
"What's his nationality?"
"......"
I had NO idea what's the relevancy of the renter's gender and upon finding out the renter is a single male she said, "Your husband is okay with leaving you alone with him for months?"
I was speechless to that remark. Then she went on, "But you are not interested in Asian men, so nothing will happen between you two anyway."
I was too disgusted at the tasteless remarks that I didn't know how to begin explaining to her that a relationship in US, at least in my mind, is based on trust, not circumstances. If I want to cheat on my husband, there are certainly many more ways than the convenience of a single male renter. Same question can be asked of my husband, "How did I know for sure he didn't cheat on me when he was in port?" (Hubby said his buddies can be his witnesses. Ahahahaha. Have you ever known a male buddy who won't lie to cover up for another guy's track? Especially when it comes to cheating on their partners?) The answer is: I don't. It all comes down to either I trust him or I don't. I do not believe that a relationship can be without trust. And once the trust is gone, the relationship, in my opinion, is already over.
And I was, once again, acutely reminded that the tremendous, almost unpatchable cultural gap was why I stopped comingling with Chinese Chinese many years ago.
***
Countdown: 26 Days, 613 Hours
posted by cahalan @ 11:53
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